“Wuv, Twu Wuv – that is wat bwings us togevver today”

-The Princess Bride

Love, as we all well know, has been a source of inspiration for some of the greatest works of mankind. Paintings to capture a lover’s  image, poetry to capture a lover’s heart, or obscenely over-sized monuments to impress a lover with how many slaves you have; the story is repeated over and over again throughout history.

As we head towards the most celebrated love-related day of the year, let’s take a look at a few classic tales of romance as embodied in our medium of choice: the videogame.

Pac Man & Ms. Pac Man

The earliest video game romance that I can think of, Mr. and Ms. Pac come together in a time of troubles, when the spirits of the dead roamed their lands, and rampaging fruit cried out to be eaten.  The Pac Folk may not be heavy on personality, but you can tell in the way they slowly open and close their mouths at each other that they share a deep and meaningful bond.  Eventually their union produced a Baby Pac, and together this family, powered by love, ate the shit out of whatever got in their way.

Va-va-voom! Amirite?

Guybrush Threepwood & Elaine Marley

A younger man and an older woman (well, maybe she was older.  It was never quite clear); a swashbuckling pirate and a colonial governor; classic tales of unlikely love encapsulated by the romantic adventures of Guybrush Threepwood, pirate extraordinaire, and Elaine Marley, governor of Melee Island.

In the Monkey Island series, young Guybrush, trying to make his name in the world of buccaneering, can not help but be smitten by the beautiful and strong Elaine. Sure, she may be (possibly) twenty years his senior, but her pixels sure don’t look it.  And sure, she might think  Guybrush is kind of a doofus.  And sure, the evil ghost/zombie pirate Le Chuck may constantly interfere with their lives out of vengeance and spite, but Guybrush does not let little things like that stand in his way.

It takes a pirate to afford a rock like that.  Or an American banker. Ha! Our economy is in shambles!

There may be kidnappings, and Guybrush may accidentally turn his love into a statue made of solid gold by proposing to her with a cursed ring, but Guybrush always follows his heart and eventually saves the day.  In spite of the odds, true love won out in the end, and the two sail off into the sunset together.

Cecil & Rosa

The dawn of the 16-bit age for Final Fantasy brought with it also the dawn of romance in Final Fantasy. Upon examination, Final Fantasy IV actually has quite an array of hearts coming together and being torn apart.  Edward and Anna, Edge and Rydia, Yang and asskicking; but at center stage stands the love between Cecil and Rosa.

Chicks in holy bikinis always dig dudes in square-boobed armor

A Dark Knight of the kingdom of Baron, Cecil finds himself increasingly at odds with the actions of his kingdom as it wages a campaign of attack around the world in an effort to seize the four magic crystals.  When Cecil finally speaks up about his concerns to the king, he quickly finds himself stripped of his rank and sent on a seemingly meaningless task.  Fortunately for Cecil, even in this dark hour, his lover, the white mage Rosa, is still there to tell him that he has done the right thing by following his heart, and that all will turn out for the best.

When it becomes obvious that things aren’t turning out for the best, Rosa sets off on her own into the dangerous world to find Cecil, whom most believe is dead.  In time, her heart proves true, as she finds him, only to quickly be stricken with a terrible illness as a result of her journey.  Cecil, of course, will do anything to save her, and so he does.  From that point on, the two are inseparable (well, except for a little kidnapping…).

Of course, the other little kink in this story is Cecil’s closest friend, Kain.  Kain too loves Rosa, though his loyalty to Cecil keeps his feelings in check.  Unfortunately, evil forces prey upon Kain’s inner turmoil and turn him to dark ends.  Ultimately, though, his love for both Cecil and Rosa bring him back to the side of light.

And, of course, when a game ends with a wedding, you can’t help but feel the love!

16-bit wedding time!

The Hero & Erana

Hero’s Quest (later Quest for Glory) tells the tale of a young hero (with a name of your own choosing) as he seeks to find fame and fortune as a hero in the world of Gloriana.  In a tale stretching over many years and many lands, your hero grows both in ability and in maturity.  In his early adventures, though the Hero meets many women, there is one he notably does not meet, but knows only through legend: the wizard Erana.  Erana, a true hero from days long gone by, traveled the same lands as the Hero, leaving her mark wherever she went, mostly in the form of sacred groves; places of tranquility where the evils of the world cannot enter, and anyone can find respite.

Peaceful, no?

As the Hero continues his adventures, he learns more and more of Erana’s tale, ultimately discovering how her life came to a close as she protected the world from the demon Avoozl, sacrificing herself for the good of all.  But this was not to be Erana’s final end; even in defeat, the demon trapped her soul in a magic crystal, cursing her to an eternity of imprisonment in this mortal world. When the Hero finally traces Erana’s steps to the lands of Mordavia, he undertakes the job that she left unfinished, stopping those that would again bring Avoozl into the world.  In the process, he is finally able to speak with Erana, who seeks him out in his dreams and guides him on his journey.  With her help, the Hero defeats Avoozl once and for all, and is able to free Erana from her torment, letting her finally pass on to the world beyond.

Ok… so she’s a little weird looking.  Heroes should not be judgmental.

And yet, the tale does not end there.  In his final adventure (so far), the Hero makes one of his most treacherous journeys yet, traveling to the Underworld itself.  There, the Hero is reunited with Erana and given a weighty choice: he can bring Erana back to the world of the living, but only at the cost of a portion of his own life.

Well, it’s pretty obvious what a Hero does for a woman he loves in this situation.

And so, Erana returns to the world of the living, and she and the Hero are given a chance to let their romance blossom even further, and are eventually joined in wedded matrimony.  Of course, you’ve still got to keep an eye on her, because in the Hero’s final showdown with a mighty dragon, Erana will up and sacrifice herself again to save you if you aren’t careful.  Old habits die hard.

Larry Laffer & The Female Gender

Larry Laffer (aka Leisure Suit Larry): goodhearted loser, consummate dresser, and unshakable romantic.  Larry lives every day of his life on his eternal quest to find his one true love, and no amount of rejection or disappointment can ever dissuade him from that goal.  Sometimes he tries buying love, sometimes he tries earning it, but he’s always trying.  No complicated series of actions nor endless searching for just the right item can stop him, and no woman is safe from his unique charm.

Ladies?

After a few failed marriages, several unidentified rashes, and a whole lot of checking hint books, Larry finally meets his match in Passionate Patty.  Sure, the two may be on-again, off-again kind of people, but you just know that Larry is always going to do his damnedest to get them back to “on.”

Truly, Larry Laffer shows us that hope springs eternal, and that love really can conquer all.

Well, as long as Al Lowe is involved.

You know this still turns you on.